So, I have decided not to do the marathon in October. Right now with work stress and everything else, it’s just not right. I’m realizing that it’s not what I want right now. I want my running to be beneficial, healthy, restorative, and motivating for me. But right now, the thought of running a marathon just stops me dead in my tracks, and I can’t even get out the door to do any run. I love running, but I love running distances between 5-10 miles. So for now, that’s what I’m going to do. I feel more motivated now to run, knowing that I’m not putting any pressure on myself-I’m doing it for me-not for any expectation of perfectionism that I put on myself-and that’s really what it was. I was so trying to be perfect-trying to attain this goal-and once I attained it, then I would be all right.
But what I’m realizing is that I am all right now. I don’t need to prove my worth or strength to anyone, not even myself. Am I a little disappointed? Yes-my ego is saying that I still need to run the marathon and right now I’m a quitter. But for me, the goal of running a marathon hasn’t been a wasted effort in the least. Now I’m out running and back into it fully-and I have a new appreciation for my body and for my health. It jumpstarted me on my path back into a fit and healthy lifestyle, and I am very thankful for that.
Right now I need to focus on balance, health, and happiness and remove all things from my life that are throwing off that balance. And, where I am in this moment, the overwhelming pressure I was putting on myself to do the marathon was throwing me way off. Maybe down the road a piece I’ll run one, when I am truly ready. Right now, I think I’m just going to take each day as it comes and enjoy the runs along the way.
pinkcowgirl said,
August 18, 2008 @ 1:37 am
It sounds like you’re making the right decision and you’ve thought this out. Just keep running at your own pace and ENJOY IT. Your marathon will come.
When you’re ready.