hi internet. sorry it’s been so long since i’ve written. things have been busy lately-i have a lot of irons in the fire. i’m helping my friend/neighbor start a non-profit organization called Two Dollars a Day which will help fund women’s literacy programs in Central America. Check it out here. I also do work for a parents/kids magazine called NW Kids, so between those two things and work, training for a marathon, and trying to have some time to relax, I haven’t been posting for a while.
But, now it’s time to get back on it. Plus, I’ve got quite a bit on my mind. This week at work sort of got off to a crappy start, and my momentum/motivation to keep pushing forward on my projects is all but nonexistent. Basically, Monday our company had a meeting with the owner about how the contracts we’d been counting on have not come to fruition as we’d hoped, and we are losing money. We will be dissolving this company at the end of September, and two of us will be rolled back into the parent company that we worked for before.
See, 4 years ago I was hired on as a graphic designer for an architecture firm. Two years ago or so he launched a publishing firm, and we’ve been doing books and magazines for him. But now, given the crappy state of the economy, etc., and the fact that the housing market has been hit so hard-resulting in the architecture firm taking a hard hit too-things just haven’t worked out. Lucky for me, my job is secure-for now. And I still get to pursue the magazine I’ve been working on, which, if successful, could be a huge boost to the company. However, I found out that our publishing director will be losing her job most likely, and that really makes me sad.
She came here about 2 years ago, or maybe 3-i can’t remember anymore. Anyway, I really owe it to her for helping me get where I am now. She had confidence in me from day one, and really gave me the opportunity to be challenged and to rise up to attain new goals. She’s been a wonderful person to work with, and it saddens me to see her go. Granted, she’s not going anywhere till September, but it’s still something that sits in the back of my mind.
So, once she leaves, and our production designer leaves, it’s really going to be just me. Handling the publishing, design, magazine design/development, marketing, and production of everything. By myself. It’s a bit overwhelming to imagine, and, for the amount I make, a lot of work. I mean, I am all for being busy, but when you are wearing so many hats that you can’t properly devote enough attention to each task, then mistakes are made and the work you do ceases to be quality.
So, I’m really at a crossroads. I want to finish Clip because I think it could be really successful, but I don’t know if it’s time to seek out something new. I mean, just because my job is safe now, there’s no guarantee that it will be 6 months from now, especially if the architecture firm’s sales keep dipping. Also, I’ve been evaluating where I am now, and determining what I want to do with my future. Do I stay here and hope that by some miracle things turn around? Or do I seek out a new opportunity?
I do have some loyalty to this company. It’s a very family-style environment, and I feel terrible that my bosses have been put in a situation that requires them to lay so many people off. Part of me feels like to leave would be to totally screw them over, but then the other part of me feels like I need to take care of myself and my family first. I just don’t know.
All I know is that it’s hard to keep going on my projects with enthusiasm when the future looks so bleak. I am trying to maintain the mindset that the universe will open up a door for me when it’s ready, and wherever I am is where I’m supposed to be. But in times of uncertainty, sometimes it’s hard to maintain the faith that everything will work out.
I am still listening to the discussions that Eckhart Tolle and Oprah had about his book A New Earth and the one thing Oprah said that has been kind of a mantra is that “We live in this world, but we are not of it.” Just that separation of myself from the chaos and uncertainty around me has given me some peace. When I get really down or concerned is when I am stuck in the mindset that this world is it, and that it’s all that matters. But when I step back and realize that I am much more than my job, or a person caught up in this crappy economy, I feel better. I guess for the time being the key is to not look at everything through a microscope. To step back and look at the bigger picture, and just roll with whatever the future brings.
